Those can be tough words to hear; from your parents as a child, from a great friend who lives close by—and especially when it’s your daughter’s Dad. Moving. Change…. “Status quo is easy, but change brings many concerns.”
That was last November. He had accepted a job and was moving closer to that location. Wow. Ok. Although we have co-parented as long as Kai can even remember, for 10 years he has lived near my home. Commuting with her was easy, attending sporting and school events was easy, forgetting something at one house or the other was no big deal. This felt heavy.
For a year, she remained with me primarily & we worked it out…but communication began to deteriorate from what it had been and she was feeling more and more in the middle. Honestly, some of that feeling was also coming with the territory of becoming a young adult, wanting to make more of her own decisions, but not knowing how to “choose”. Emotions escalated as talk of High School became more and more common. Maybe it’s not this way by you, but here- and because she attends a charter school- everyone asks “Where is (your kid) going to high school? And Kai & I could never answer. Where was she going to go?
If you had asked me a year ago if she would possibly move and go to high school primarily living with her dad, I’d have said NO WAY. I can’t let that happen. It’s not fair. Her whole life is here. I’m not the one who moved. (and possibly a laundry list of other reasons). If you’d asked me 6 months ago, I’d said the same. If you’d asked me 3 months ago, I’d have told you we were figuring that out through the court system now. It was too big to handle and decide on our own.
So we started the process. Mediation was needed. Fighting had begun- we BOTH love her so much and want her to be with us. But what’s best for HER? People would ask me “Well, what does she want? Certainly she doesn’t want to move.” And to be honest, I didn’t want her to have to choose. This is an adult decision that her adolescent heart isn’t capable of handling. So her voice was heard, her thoughts were listened to, and as an adult I made my lists. Lawyers were hired, appointments were made, and the process began.
Round one was UGLY. UGLY. I hear stories of worse—I can’t even imagine. And those poor children. Kids are perceptive so Kai certainly wasn’t immune to what was going on around her, but she was kept on the outskirts of “the middle”. I was adamant, the schools were better here, I’d lived in my home with her longer, her whole tribe is here. No way was she going to move.