1 Corinthians 13:4-5: You hear this passage a lot in weddings. “Love is…..” beautiful. Meaningful. Completely fits the moment of 2 people coming together forever.
And then another love comes along. In my case a love that baked for 9 months; twice. The love that comes with being a Mom.
Two favorite moments:
- At a wedding when the groom first gets a look at his bride (yes, that’s also from 27 Dresses!)
- Whenever I see the deep joy and love in Kelly’s eyes as he looks at Colt. {insert heart melting}
In my #AdoredChaos, I spend each day parenting two uniquely strong-willed children. In a moment of weakness one afternoon, I escaped to my room and fell at the side of my bed on my knees to journal a prayer and spend a moment in silence. I have resolved to do everything I can not to lose my mind temper and be a better Mom. Then I read this passage.
Recently it has become abundantly clear that God was stretching me in patience, a fruit of the spirit that I don’t eat enough of. I am passionate! I make quick decisions! I fall in between the generation that knew how to wait and the one who wants immediate gratification– I’m basically the generation where the bridge broke down when patience was crossing. So now, of course, my patience is being tested every day. (our hands aren’t for hitting, put down your phone, is that how we eat our food, are you sure that’s the right way to manage your time…) Moms!! You know– it’s the script coming out of your mouth- some call it nagging- before you can stop yourself. We all have this dialogue right?
Kindness isn’t being nice. Kindness is telling the truth in love. Sometimes I feel unkind and am at a loss on how to respond. I’m so thankful for tools being taught to me. Practice, practice, practice….
Questions do creep in…WHY? This isn’t fair, that Mom gets to…. I work to keep envy in check. I do think he’s better than everyone else. 😉 She’s smart and she’s beautiful and she’s strong… 😍 I can be boastful at times, even if it’s just in my heart.
For over a decade, I have truly felt that I’m a great Mom. I would seek guidance when I needed it, but overall, I thought parenting came pretty naturally to me and I’ve had good examples ahead of me. Conceited? No….confident. But lately, humility had to kick in to learn how to help him. Maybe I didn’t have all the answers and parenting can be harder than I thought. Improperly….. rude. There are times I wish I could take back my words, passive aggressive comments or pointing out a mistake before celebrating the good.
To a fault, I put my kids before myself and my husband. I’ve had to learn to be a little more selfish and set aside time for me, time for him with dates and quality time. I’ve actually had to ask his forgiveness for this. And a lot of that “me time” is from 4-6am or 9-11pm….and an occasional escape with a book or with girlfriends….OK! And MAYBE Social Media perusing…GUILTY!
I lose my temper when provoked. Coupled with lack of patience, I have taught myself to walk away and breathe for a moment…20 moments. Some days I succeed– star on the chart for me!! Some days I fight not to scream, yell and fly off the handle.
And a list of wrong-doings. I don’t like when others keeps lists like that about me, but I’m guilty of doing it to myself- and my kids. Bringing up a past mistake in the middle of a discussion or argument…we need to learn from the past in order to move forward – no list needed. Grace. Forgiveness. Growth.
After all this, what I know to be true is 💗💗I LOVE MY KIDS!💗💗 God’s word challenges me to love them better. To make ME better. To serve Him, by serving THEM. With a village of other moms around me, I will love them patiently & kindly. I hope you’re finding that village here too in your own #AdoredChaos!
Adored Chaos 